I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
