Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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