So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
