I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How does one acquire holy water?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
