i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
