My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
