i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
