Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
