I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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