i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Enjoy the penises
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
