He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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