So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
