I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
