Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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