i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
