We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
