Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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