I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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