At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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