i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
