we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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