i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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