I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
