i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
