Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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