I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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