dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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