I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
