Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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