I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I have demons in me.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
