I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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