based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
