Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
