We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
