what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
