I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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