That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
