SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
