Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
This house was built for laser tag.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
