Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
