Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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