Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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