When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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