we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Randomize
