I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
