i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
