Can i not drive my cunt home
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
