Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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