you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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