I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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