Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
