Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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