He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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