gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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