my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
