The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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