my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
