Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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