she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
