My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
