Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
The ass gains better be worth it
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