hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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