Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
