2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
