i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
