I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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