And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
