home. puking in laundry basket.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
