i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
