DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
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you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
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Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!