Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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