I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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