So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
