sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
