I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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