I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
