apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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