Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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