I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
