I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
