i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
