I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
