Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize