I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
